How Hi-Fi Magazines Write about Cables, Part 16: Sony Surround Sound

What’s fun about writing this series of articles is that readers alert me to some of the crazy things they find on the internet. Today, a friend let me know about this product description of a Sony surround sound system, which is on Amazon UK.

I strongly doubt that Sony has chosen to present their surround sound system like this; I think someone hacked Amazon’s database. Here’s what it says:

Cinema surround sound meets easy connectivity

Your dating history over the last year could be written on a post?it ? with room for a doodle. Let’s put this dating funk behind you. The wine’s chilled. The popcorn’s done. You’re rocking your favourite shirt. It’s time to bring the romance big guy.

You both get comfortable on the sofa. She’s bound to be impressed with your 3D Blu?ray Home Cinema system. The opening credits roll. If you know women like you think do, then she’s going to love Die Hard.

With 5.1ch surround sound, the gunshots and explosions reverberate around the living room. Hans Gruber enters the fray, she moves closer and you seize the opportunity to sneak your arm around her.

So wisecracking John McClane isn’t her cup of tea? No big deal. How about music to set the mood? You touch your NFC smartphone against the Home Cinema system ? Barry White instantly booms out from the speakers. She won’t be able to resist. You stream a romantic playlist via BluetoothR: R?Kelly, Luther and MJ. How about some Shabba Ranks to kick it up a notch?

And here’s the clincher. They say diamonds are a girl’s best friend, right? Draw her attention to the “sense of quartz” design ? it’s inspired by the cut?glass edges and gleaming facets of rock crystal. Who needs Cartier?

She makes her excuses and finishes her glass of chardonnay. You think you’ve blown it, but she leans in for a kiss and hands you her number ? “yipikaye”.

In case you don’t believe me, here’s a screenshot, and you can check out the page yourself.

Sony surround sound

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